Rooting in Relationship: Love, Co-Parenting, and Choosing Connection Daily

Rooting in Relationship: Love, Co-Parenting, and Choosing Connection Daily

There was a time when I thought love meant losing yourself. Or at the very least, molding yourself into something more digestible, more pleasing, more worthy of being held. I equated love with effort, but the kind that costs you something: your boundaries, your sleep, your voice.

I don’t believe that anymore.

Love, as I know it today, looks like grace. It looks like care. It looks like choosing a teammate and choosing them again and again, even when things feel messy, unclear, or hard. It’s not unconditional in the sense that anything goes. It’s unconditional in that it is rooted in mutual respect, in the shared desire to build something real, whole, and healing.

Love today has limits. It has self-worth. It has boundaries. And somehow, it feels even more expansive and beautiful than the romanticized versions I used to chase.

Co-Parenting with Care

Being in a co-parenting relationship adds layers to all of this. And while I want to honor everyone’s privacy (especially my daughter’s mom), I will say this: it has been a rollercoaster. Like any big, lifelong ride, there have been sharp turns, steep drops, and those slow climbs where you hold your breath and hope for peace on the other side.

What I’ve come to appreciate, though, is that we all share the same compass: Naomi. That is our north star. And when we lead with love for her and for ourselves we find our way back to common ground.

Co-parenting taught me how to be firm and soft at the same time. It showed me that communication isn’t just about talking...it’s about clarity, kindness, and presnce. It forced me to stretch in ways I didn’t expect and grow in ways I didn’t always want to, but needed to.

And in the partnership I’m in now, I’ve found someone who holds that growth with me.

We talk about everything, not from a place of control or overanalyzing, but from a place of care. We make decisions as a household, as teammates. When you’re raising a child together, there’s no space for ego or secrecy. It takes humility and honesty to keep the roots strong.

Check-Ins Changed Everything

One of the simplest but most profound tools we’ve started using in our relationship is the “What % are you at?” check-in.

It sounds basic, but it’s powerful. Maybe you’re at 30% because you’re running on little sleep, juggling too much, or just feeling off. Maybe they’re at 80%, steady and open to give a little more. The point isn’t to fix each other or always even the scale. It’s to know where you both are. To hold space without assumption. To support each other intentionally.

That one check-in has prevented more misunderstandings than I can count. It’s helped us navigate daily stress, avoid resentment, and speak up when we need help or space or a moment to breathe.

We also go to couples therapy because love deserves investment. We don’t wait until something’s broken to tend to it. Therapy gives us a space to pause, reflect, and be reminded of who we’re becoming, both together and separately.hhhh

And when the feelings get tangled or tense? We write letters to each other.

Sometimes the words flow better on paper. Sometimes you need time to sort through emotion before speaking it aloud. We’ve learned that everything doesn’t have to be solved in real-time, but it does have to be seen. Honored. Heard.

We also have a code word, something small and sacred just between us that signals, “I hear you. Let’s pause. Let’s not let this spiral.”

It’s a signal of care, not avoidance. A reminder that we’re in this together, even when we don’t have all the answers yet.

Choosing Daily

Love is not the fireworks or the big declarations, although those moments can be sweet. Real love, the kind that sustains you, is quiet and consistent. It’s not just about chemistry or how someone looks or how they make you feel in the early stages. It’s about choosing.

Every day.

To stay.

To listen.

To be honest.

To let your guard down again and again.

To do life with someone through the good, the bad, the growing pains, the joy.

I choose my partner not because it’s easy every day, but because we’ve built something meaningful. Because I trust them with my soft parts. Because I want to grow with them, not around them.

We don’t have to be perfect to be whole. We just have to keep showing up.

Love Beyond the Romance

And this blog isn’t just about romantic love or co-parenting, it’s about all the relationships we root into.

Loving someone deeply, whether a friend, partner, or family member, is sacred work. It asks us to confront our fears, break our own patterns, and soften in the face of discomfort. It asks us to say “I’m sorry” with sincerity. To say “I love you” when it’s hard. To witness someone else’s healing and still believe in their goodness.

Love is one of the bravest things we’ll ever do.

It means choosing to let someone see us. All of us. It means risking hurt, miscommunication, and disappointment, but doing it anyway, because the bond is worth it.

When I look at my life now - my daughter, my partner, my community - I feel rooted in something real. Not because it’s flawless, but because it’s honest. Because we talk through things. Because we care enough to learn, to repair, to keep loving even when things feel messy.

If you’re navigating love right now, in any form, I want to say this:

You are not too much for wanting deep, safe, honest connection.

You are allowed to grow and change your mind about what love looks like.

You are allowed to ask for more, even if you used to settle for less.

And above all, you are allowed to keep choosing. Not just someone else, but yourself. Over and over again.

Love that lasts is not performative.

It’s not shiny all the time.

It’s not perfect.

But it’s intentional.

It’s brave.

It’s a garden you both agree to water.

So here’s to showing up.

To code words.

To letters left on the nightstand.

To therapy and percent check-ins.

To growing and loving and repairing.

To rooting into the real stuff and finding magic there.